Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
