I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I don't think brook has ever known best
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
