I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Randomize
