If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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