just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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