I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
