Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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