i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Randomize
