we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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