there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
