I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Fuck appropriateness.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
