Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
