If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
