I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
