I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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