I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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