I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
