so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
