feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Houston, we have a squirter
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
