HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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