Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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