the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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