My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
