Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
