Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
