If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
