there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
