Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Randomize
