He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I intend to get homeless drunk
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
