I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
