Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
