I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
