He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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