is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
