don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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