I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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