White coat. Heels.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
