you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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