WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
