I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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