Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
