I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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