This girl is more easily done than said...
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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