they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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