You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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