Swine flu. Run for my life!
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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