oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
How many fucks given?
0.12846
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I know her cup size but not her name....
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
