It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
