It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
