i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
