but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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