I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
don't judge my taste in strippers
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
