NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
