I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
