U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
