In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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