she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
