dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
