planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
