she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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